February 08, 2016

Send in the clowns

editor:	Gurmeet Singh

There are so many cliches surrounding the Republican party that it even subsumes commentary of it. You want to call them the gifts that keep on giving, or you feel an urge to say 'you couldn't have made it up'. I've opted for a more ambivalent platitude - one that captures the triteness of the shabby display in the recent Republican debate, but also the peculiar entrance-based humour (in a way I can't believe I just wrote that) that the debate offered; finally, it's a old phrase that reveals, the sadness at the bottom of the American right-wing.

Watching the debate the other day, I couldn't but help think of Emile Heskey - the hapless English footballer who, astoundingly, received almost as many plaudits and national team 'call-ups' as his more illustrious peers, Michael Owen and Steven Gerrard. Heskey was renowned for fumbling the ball; spectacular displays of ineptitude; massive gaffes; world-beating failures. Yet, every week, there he was in a Liverpool, and sometimes, England shirt. His selection required explanation: Managers admired his brute strength and ability to give more skilled players time to exercise control of the game. Heskey therefore was a kind-of go-to player for fearful managers; Despite his monumental flops in front of goal, he was a safer option than say, Robbie Fowler, who was niftier on the ball, but probably more likely to lose it.

The Republican line-up looks like a similar, shambolic, fearful selection by America's right than is available to them. There is a entire band of committed, intelligent, articulate conservatives that could surely hold respectable and honourable (as much honour there could be in running for candidacy for an American party) - but they're no where to be found. Instead, the right has chosen to deploy the political equivalent of Emile Heskey in several different manifestations: Shambling, Blundering, Fearful - yet somehow, fascinating. Somehow compelling. Somehow - they keep getting in the national press.

Part of me wants to speculate about the nature of the American psyche at the moment. That part of me thinks Americans have tired of soaring rhetoric and Obama's highly-polished, highly-intelligent display; This part of America wants ugly, brute-force, unaccommodating solutions. Quit picking at that knot folks, just cut it!

But don't let me get carried away - I really don't know too much about America, despite spending a lot of mental time in its climate, through its culture and sport, politics and news etc. I don't know what Americans actually want from their politicians - but something tells me it's not really going to come from any of the candidates in the Republican line-up. Everyone knows Donald Trump is a windbag; but that doesn't mean his lead over Marco Rubio and Chris Christie et al in the polls isn't justified - they too hedge and dodge and come off as clumsy. Ted Cruz, the only real, refined speaker on the card does a good impression of a thoughtful person but the illusion fades as soon as he opens his mouth about waterboarding and torture.

There's been a current in Republican politics for a few decades of the loudmouth outsider to shout everyone down - perhaps its most famous instantiation is in Newt Gingrich - the Clinton-carping-adulterer who is now held responsible for a government shut-down in the late 90s. But Gingrinch used to be considered the outsider, the maverick, a bit of a gung-ho clown. Now the whole line up is full of such types.

A few years ago, my housemate and I were watching England play in the World Cup. We were in our living room, lamenting the poor quality of the football on display - England were being England. Then, all of a sudden, Emile Heskey seized the initiative and injected life into the game - he took the ball, dribbled it past one or two defenders, and lining up a beautifully poised shot, missed the ball, kicked his own leg and fell flat on his face. His massive two-metre, 90+ KG bulk was on the ground in front of goal - he looked rather like a deflated rubber dinghy. We laughed - and then to his credit - my housemate, stopped, and offered a heartfelt sigh instead - I got the point soon too - Emily was trying his best and, poor guy, he was on the floor. You can't help but feel the same when you watch a group of Republicans try to enter a room.